Doug McIntyre

NOVELIST · Columnist · TV/Film Writer-Producer · RADIO HOST

18189703607

Radio Host · Columnist · TV/Film Writer-Producer · Event Emcee

D.C. gridlock comes to L.A. — again

I heard them coming before I looked up, the distinctive thwap, thwap, thwap of rotor blades slicing through an unusually warm February sky. A conga line of helicopters heading west to east could mean only one of two things; either the Medfly has returned and we’re about to be sprayed with malathion or President Obama had another guest shot on “Ellen.” The Entertainer-in-Chief is a regular on America’s talk show circuit and, therefore, a frequent visitor to...

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Here’s to a world where crime doesn’t actually pay

It’s official: Crime really does pay.Americans have bellyached forever about “those SOBs in Washington we pay to rob us blind!” Last week the Washington City Council flipped the script and approved a plan that will pay people not to commit crimes.Modeled on a 2010 Richmond, California, program, D.C.’s “Neighborhood Engagement Achieves Results Act” will, among other things, pay 50 individuals up to $9,000 a year to not rape, rob, murder...

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Check please! I’m just not fit to dine with foodies

My apologies to the Sullivans. My stunted palate once again became the tail that wagged the dog and ruined another swanky L.A. dinner party. Kirk and Deann Sullivan are former neighbors and longtime friends. Deann also happens to be a foodie and a gifted hostess who loves trying new recipes. I, on the other hand, have the gastronomic sensibilities of a 9-year-old. A perfect meal for me is a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. If it comes shrink-wrapped on a small square of white cardboard with cream filling, I’m in. If you tracked down the recipe after watching Anthony Bourdain on CNN wolf down a forkful while squatting on a bamboo mat in a hut in Cambodia, I’m out.

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Mass anger could be quelled through political reform

From Porter Ranch to Flint, from Ferguson, Missouri to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in Beverly Hills, America is in the midst of a gigantic national temper tantrum. To paraphrase Marlon Brando’s famous line from “The Wild One”: “What’re you mad about, America?” “Whaddya got?” The rage is palpable. We’re foaming at the mouth over just about everything; from micro-aggressions to trigger warnings, mass shootings to global warming, digital displacement to income inequity, White privilege to Black Lives Matter, anti-vaxxers, Truthers, Birthers, “Feel the Bern”, “Make America Great Again”, HITLER!

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Plunging into the new year

I’ve never been the lucky type. I had exactly zero winning numbers in last week’s Powerball jackpot drawing. Instead of 8, 27, 34, 4, 19, 10 my ticket read L, O, S, E, R, !. And I’m okay with that. After a lifetime of calling tails only to have the coin come up heads, I harbor few allusions I’ll ever strike it rich on a 292 million to 1 shot. I haven’t been to Vegas in years. My March Madness brackets always bust. During last year’s Mets/Royals World Series I had $20 on Cleveland. However, after last week’s stock market plunge I’m seriously re-thinking my financial strategy. On Friday the markets dropped another

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